As of today I have two observations left to complete my required 9 observations as part of my PGCE, this week I had two including a joint observation which resulted in my first grade 3 mark. I’ve been consistently a grade 2 (with a single grade 1) throughout this process and getting this grade 3 when I thought things were getting better was quite a hit to my confidence.
I know that we are not supposed to see observations as ‘progress’ but rather a snippet into our teaching practices but it can’t be helped but to want to improve and getting a 3 so close to the end is pretty devastating.
I know that the class I had are difficult and I know that the observer is a harsh but fair observer but it was still hard to get that ‘requires improvement’ grade. Deep down I know that I do have areas that do require improvement (especially with this class) and I know not to take it to heart that I got that rating because things in that class could have been better and to have been given a ‘good’ I might not necessarily have learnt but it was still hard to hear that grade 3… and I am still upset about it.
I have been trying with that group quite a lot and I have seen improvement but the observer doesn’t see that and I think that is something I do not like about the observation process. The observer only sees that one hour from that one class and does not see that improvements that have been made, they don’t know what a nightmare of a class they could have been and that the fact you can get them to sit and pay attention at all is an improvement – sure there is still improvements to be made if you compare them to any other class but for this class this is their ‘good’.
I know requires improvement isn’t supposed to be a negative outcome, it is all about improving but with the stress I am currently feeling it was hard not to see it as a “you’re s**t” and that the effort I have been putting in to get this class under control isn’t reflected in the observation at all was also really hard to swallow. Obviously, I need to look at the positives, take those ‘requires improvements’ and improve and I guess in a way prove to that observer that I can do it because deep down I know I can myself!